Be Fearless Chapter 3 Change

Life is about change.  

Sometimes it’s painful,

sometimes it’s beautiful,

but most of the time it’s both.

- Unknown

    Her footfall could have been silent if that had been her desire.  While she wasn’t reaching for ninja stealth, she still moved with an artist’s grace.  Thin stalks of grass parted either side of her milk-colored legs, a sight I had yet to get used to.  So accustomed was I to seeing her covered.  I marveled at her strength for she was a slight creature, of delicate bone, and surely tender flesh.  Yet I had witnessed her skill, her agility, indeed, even her speed.  She was a force to contend with, despite the petite size of her, capable of inflicting serious damage.  

    How her lip would curl as she feasted her eyes upon her enemy, a vicious expression like a panther stalking its prey.  Her dark, sweeping brows would draw together, her shoulders would square, and if her slender fingers weren’t wrapped around the hilt of her blade; they were resting on her hip.  So frail, yet so fierce, she was a deadly combination.  A flush blossomed beneath my plastron and I wondered if the slight breeze had died.  

    Bronze colored eyes flickered to my face then drifted down to my injured palm.  She hadn’t spoken much, since we brought her home.  Now would be no exception.  She blinked as if trying to process what she was seeing.  Her chin lifted and her gaze swept over the top of the floating chartreuse blades standing upright, and still.  The rings beneath her eyes were dark, shadows, harsh against her otherwise porcelain complexion.  Her cheeks had hollowed, she’d picked at everything offered to her to eat.  It was painful to look at the wraith she’d become, knowing the wildfire that had blazed within her; once threatening to consume everything in her path.  

    Accepting that I had inflicted this wound upon myself, she knelt beside me and I wondered what she must think.  How could he be so foolish?  Did he do this deliberately?  Who harms themselves with their own weapon, Leonardo?  Yet she said none of those things, and in truth I did not recognize the individual beside me; because there was just shy of nothing familiar about her.  Not at the moment.  Tentative fingers brushed my bicep as she worked free the scrap of fabric I kept tied there.  My heart sputtered at the fleeting touch, so sweet and airy it was, like a butterfly’s wings.  

    Her voice cracked when she spoke as if it had been so seldom used it had forgotten how to function.  “This should be cleaned.”

    She wrapped the fabric around the wound, her knuckles tapping into my thick semi-curled fingers as she tied off the bandage.  A sigh escaped her parted lips as she finished her work and sank back onto her haunches, before coming to rest herself in the green alongside me.

    Silence wasn’t something either of us were uncomfortable with, not given who we were.  We couldn’t see the pond for the height of grass surrounding us.  But I could hear the bullfrogs croak followed by a plunk of water.  Somewhere within the trees lining the meadow a bobwhite called his name.  I always thought it peculiar that an animal would go about calling his own name.  Nevertheless the two of us, human and turtle, remained silent.  I wouldn’t push her to talk.  She deserved the space, to sift through her thoughts.  I would be there, ready, and willing to give her whatever she required; if she could only find the strength to ask.  Perhaps she didn’t know what to ask for…  

    I listened to the subtle rhythm of quiet inhales and exhales.  As a stabbing pain needled its way through my heart for the sounds she made, with every breath, the hurt she elicited.  Even her breaths were grief-stricken, laced with burdens, threaded with lies; tied up tight with something I could not explain.  From where I sat, she was a victim, a pawn, and I think she knew it too.  There were mistakes, but those were founded in a sea of confusion.  She was drowning in the wake of what the man she’d trusted had done to her. And while my hands balled into fists, blood seeping through the bandage, I refused to fault her for them.  

    There we sat, side-by-side, yet miles apart, breathing the same air, sharing a bed of grass, when her head gradually tipped to the side and she drifted toward me.  Her shoulder came to press against my bicep, her inky locks resting on my shoulder.  My fingers, while buried into my palms, throbbed with the need to hold her.  But I decided she had to be allowed to take for a while, before I could reach for my own heart’s desires.  Even then, if that time should come, I didn’t know if I should.

    I wondered what she might be thinking, if anything at all; maybe she simply savored the rest.  She’d slept so much, yet still appeared forlorn.   How does the caterpillar break free of the spider’s sticky, intricately woven web?  It would seem she had physically achieved such a feat, but mentally… Mentally!  That’s it!  

    I straightened abruptly, jarring her. “That’s it!” I announced, “I know what we’re going to do!”

    She grumbled, drawing her knees up, wrapping her arms around her long legs.  Her chin rested pitifully on them, her eyes set on the mud beneath her sneakers.  

    We’d all tiptoed around her, took her away from the city that overshadowed her, held her down, kept her back.  She needed to be the caterpillar.  She was already in a cocoon and needed to push her way out.  Rushing to my feet I looked down at her, “Get up, Karai, we need to pack and I need to speak to Sensei.”

    So withdrawn was the girl I adored that she did not acknowledge me, her muted gaze fixed on the pool squishing beneath the pressure of her shoes.  My muscles coiled, my fingers delving into the wound to my palm, the scrap of fabric doing little to stop me.  Oh, the things I wanted to yell at her.  The things I would, when the time was right.  Now though, I couldn’t.  Not that she would fall apart, that would have at least been something.  No.  Right now, she just… existed.  That was it.  

    Well, not anymore, this would be the end of that.  

    While she remained unmoving I closed my eyes, focusing on slowing my breath and in turn my rapidly beating heart.  When I felt my muscles fall slack, the tightening in my chest release, I bent over, scooped her up and threw her over my shoulder.  Then my heart sank like an arrow-struck bird falling from the sky, because she didn’t resist, she didn’t utter a thing.  She’d resigned herself to my will.  

    I marched through the grassland, the wisps tangling around my calves, swishing as they parted; and I heard words falling from my lips that I didn’t recall thinking.  “So you give up do you?  Well I won’t give up, Karai.  I’ll fight for you, with you, alongside you.  You will find your feet, we’ll do it together.  You want to just quit, well, that’s fine for this walk home but when we leave it next, you’ll march back on your own, stronger than ever and ready for anything.”  

    The scent of lavender and rose otto drifted up as I strode home, wafting in through my snout, filling my head, thrilling my heart.  How badly I wanted to hold her to me, to feel her against me, to love her freely.  I pressed my lips together.  Stay focused Leo.  She needs you.  

    I could just see the broken bird, shot down, lying in a heap at my feet; a perfect image in my head as I moved in swift strides, carrying us to the farmhouse.  Its feathers were perfect, elegant, its wings light and powerful, its eyes open yet blinking.  A wretched arrow ran through its torso, blood pooling around the rod, scarlet tracing the length of the shaft, dripping off the triangular tip.  I’d carry her home, then lead her back out again, help her find herself.  Help her heal.  Because that’s what I did, that’s who I was.  I would be the wind that she sailed upon, she would rise above this.  Yes.  She. Would.  I nodded.  She would.  

    “You’re going to be just fine, Karai,” I told her as we neared the house.  

    She may not like me on this journey, but she’ll be better for it by the end.  There was a fluttering in my chest, at the same time a phantom breeze ghosted my flesh, and I heard it again…

    The path is winding…