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Be Fearless Chapter 20 Light

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A/N: Ah, don’t hate me guys.  I’ve never ended a story this way before.  But I’ve felt this was the right ending for this one for quite a while now, and it came to me, pretty clear.  So I let it be.  Forgive me, it is quite bittersweet. Character death warning.

 

The damage was permanent; there would always be scars.  

But even the angriest scars faded over time,

until it was difficult to see them written on the skin at all,

and the only thing that remained,

was the memory of how painful it had been.  

– Jodi Picoult

 

Fading stalks of tall green ruffled and blew, seedy stems rustling in the breeze till it all bowed to the right.  Precious, golden beams splayed the gathering gray clouds, falling over the sea of chartreuse that shivered in rhythm with the leaves trembling on their branches; in time with the beating of my heart.  

Sometimes, the wind would blow and carry with it memories.  I didn’t always have a picture for them.  But I felt them.  A tide of emotion, as vast as the field itself, snaked its way around my insides and squeezed, wrung unbidden tears from my eyes.  

I settled in his favorite spot, near the pond.  Remembered the day he announced my spirit quest.  I’d been so dead inside.  Even wanted to die.  But his commitment, his conviction, it had lifted me up, and he carried me home.  The lump rose to my throat, a familiar painful thing, and it ached…  I swallowed, but it lingered, and I accepted it.  

The earth was damp beneath me.  Cold, hard, unforgiving.  Like the first half of my life had been, until he’d come busting in like a blue-clad knight… when at first, he was really just a misfit kid. But, for all my faults, so was I.

The air picked up again, pushing the clouds together so they smothered out the light.  I wanted to lift my hands and touch them, demand that they part, that they let him shine.  Felt my soul clench and wither, tilted my head to the sky and blinked, but couldn’t see a damn thing for the waterfall that never failed.  

I could almost feel that perfect, solid shoulder against my cheek.  My fingers rose to the scrap of blue around my neck, lifting it so I could breathe him in.  I closed my eyes, inhaled the fading remnants of sandalwood.  Brought it to my lips, tasted the salt of my tears.  

It didn’t seem real, but it never had.  Some days I could feel him with me, grounding me, carrying me, holding me, and telling me I could go on.  I would go on.  That he loved me, and together we would conquer anything in our way.  And in many ways we did.  

I felt the smile on my face, even with the terrible ache in my heart.  If I ever thought I hurt before, it paled in comparison to this.  

My hand gripped the hilt of his sword as I lay back, resting it against my chest, holding it to me like it was him.  The blade had long dulled, from the many battles we’d fought, side-by-side, honor-bound, and determined.  And always, whether we struggled with one another, or our worst enemy, without fail, together we were victorious.  

I wrapped my fingers around the worn leather, could almost see his thick green hands holding it. I lifted the weapon, pointed the tip toward the sky.  “Part, damn you.  I can’t see him clearly.  And I’ll have nothing in my way.”

Yet the clouds held tight, like a curtain drawn.  My light had gone out.  My lip trembled, more tears escaping as I lowered the katana, drew it close.  It would never shine again.  I felt my gut clench, my fingers squeezing the hilt so hard my nails dug into my palms.  I thrust the sword aside, scrambled to my knees and screamed.  

“I said part, damn you!  Damn you!”  I choked, gasped as a sob broke free.  “I said… part.” I sniffled, my breaths coming out in short, painful, pants.  “I can’t.  See him.”

And he was my guide.  My way.  My path.  My entire life had changed the second I met him, but our life together, it began here.  Right here.  And in all the years we’d spent together we came back here, grateful for it.  

My face burned with tears, my throat raw.  “Please… let me see him.”

Please let me see him…

“Please let me see you,” I pleaded through the door.

His breath was raspy.  “But I haven’t been able to see you in so long.  What does it matter to look at one another?”

“Leo, please.  I need to talk to you.” I turned the knob, pushed open the door and Donatello pulled the blanket higher over his brother’s plastron, then he shook Raphael’s shoulder, and guided Michelangelo from the room.

I sank into the chair, near the bed, held his hand to my face, savored the scent of sandalwood, but hated the unusual cold and off-green of his skin.  His fingers parted, stroked my cheek and I leaned into it, kissed his palm.

His chest rose and fell, then stopped, and I thought he’d left me.  Then it rose again and he breathed, “It’s been a good life, Karai.”   

I clamped my eyes shut, held my breath, barely seeing the small smile on his face through endless tears.  

“Here, I want you to take care of this for me,” he let go and I felt bare without him.  His fingers tapped the edge of the bedside table, then slid over it until they hooked around the worn blue material.  He tucked it in the palm of my hand, closing my fingers over it, then let out a frail laugh.  “You get my swords too, Karai.  I don’t know anyone with half as much skill as me.”

“As you?” I scoffed, and kissed his palm again.

“You’re part of me, so yes.”  He pushed himself upright, his beautiful blue eyes staring straight ahead, vacant.  But he didn’t need them.  He’d mastered his art, and in the process, his life, and in doing so, had a flawless sense of the world around him.  

My heart swelled as he reached for me, pressed his lips to mine and I tasted the sweetness of him, even as I breathed him in and wanted to melt like a girl again.  But where he once would lift me up, weightless in those arms, now they were withered, wrinkled with age, worn and scarred from battle.  And he sighed, leaning against me as I lowered him back in his bed.  I lay my head on the rough keratin near the spot I’d rubbed a small smooth circle in one corner of, my fingers repeating the motion I’d done for years, all the while I could feel him slipping away from me.  

“I don’t want to be here without you,” I whispered for the hundredth time.

He laughed, the sound so feeble fresh tears rushed me.  It wouldn’t be long.  “Oh, Karai, we are old.” He stroked my hair.  “You didn’t think we’d live forever, did you?”

My fingers froze mid-circle, tears slipping down my cheek, dripping onto his mottled pale green skin.  “I’d kind of thought we could fight it off too.”

I didn’t have to look to know the smile on his face.  He pressed his lips to the top of my head. “Take me to our place, Karai… that I might wait for you there.”

“Please, part… I can’t… see him.  Please, I need to see him,”  I pleaded, aching to feel his arms around me one more time.  To walk with him on my way to find myself, with the only one who knew what I needed before I did, for him to show me I could be everything I wanted because it was in me all along.  To be with my best friend, my safe place to turn, my soft place to fall.  I needed him, had a gaping hole where he should be, where he’d been, where part of him would always be.  

I crawled over to his final resting place, marked by my katana’s twin, and laid beneath it, pressed my fingers to the earth.  Every breath hurt.  

Then a soft breeze wafted over, cooling my tear-stricken cheeks.  It was laced with sandalwood etched with the grace of steel.  The scent was like balm to my insides.  I felt the warmth of those flawless golden rays before I opened my eyes, and I felt him before he spoke to me.  

“It’s been a while, Hamato Karai,” his voice was strong, clear, and vibrant; like he’d been through most of our life together.

He touched my cheek and I gasped.  Everything stilled, something snapped, and broke.  A strange breath pressed free… then everything fell into place.  

I opened my eyes, lifted my chin, and he held out a hand to me.  I was shaking as I set eyes on the youth I’d fallen in love with so many years ago, bathed in the purest light.  At last my soul was soothed, and I felt whole again.

He smiled and I reached out my hand to him, expected to see the frail, bare knuckled, bony thing that I’d been looking at for years.  Only I was my best version of me, a young, strong-willed girl again.

“Come on, Karai.  Let’s go conquer forever,” he lifted me to my feet, almost tossing me in the air like he used to.

“Another spirit quest?” I laughed, savoring the rich green of his skin, the bright blue of his eyes, every perfect inch of him, alive and well, and within reach… I’ll never let go again…

He nodded, “The best kind, one that never ends.”

I took a step toward him, grateful that nothing hurt anymore.  I was young, eager and ready to go on an adventure with him.  “Where are you taking me this time, Fearless?”

He shook his head.  “Oh, Karai,” he laughed and the sound, which I’d missed so much, lifted me up, made me complete.  “It’s not me who’s fearless, not between the two of us.”

“It’s not?” I linked my hands with his, looked up in those gorgeous eyes, loving the mask-less bare face that was his.

“It never was.  It’s you, it’s always been you.” He lowered his mouth to mine, and though I disagreed, savored the sweetness of him, had missed the feel of him, and wanted it truly be forever.  “You will always be fearless to me,” he whispered against my lips.

He pulled away, looked over his shoulder, and we turned toward a light so brilliant I couldn’t see what lay ahead.  

And not caring where it might take us, so long as we were together…

I followed him.

~Be Fearless~

 

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MainecoonLena's avatar
The best ending of best fanfiction! They like in Star Clan. I want you to hear this, best music for this part -  Binbir Gece – Honour